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Condiment Girl and the Pot Pit August 1, 2008

Posted by Alichat in concerts.
Tags: , , , ,

So, when I sent out my notification that I’d started a blog, I got a lot of replies asking me about the email that had spawned my blogging.  It seems I didn’t send it to everyone as I thought, so I promised to post the story that started the blog…..Condiment Girl and The Pot Pit.  Enjoy!

Saturday July 12th, 2008 5:50pm

As I’m screaming down the highway heading to Meredith’s house, I’m wondering how entertaining this Tom Petty concert will be tonight.  I mean, the man has some good tunes, but can you really dance to them?  Will he have an entertaining light show?  What will he sound like?  What will the crowd be like?  After I scream into her driveway, causing her to dive out of the path of my car, we head over to Walnut Creek Amphitheatre.  Hanging out in traffic is fun.  At least that’s what we told ourselves while we were sitting there.  As we were waiting, a limo pulls up to the right of us and the window rolls down.  Tom Petty you say??  No…..a group of buzzed, buxom blondes who are flashing said breasts out the window at……..someone.  We still have no idea who they were flashing.  Lesson #1 from the Tom Petty concert……Duran Duran does not corner the market on crazy fans.  So we park, walk into the venue, grab some food/beer, and find a place to sit on the lawn.  Sitting around us are mostly people our age, a man with a prosthetic leg, a man with electric blue polish on his toes, and a man with “A Nightmare Before Christmas” tattooed down his arm.  As Steve Winwood is playing the last half of his set, some of the concertgoers around us begin to dance and jump around, occasionally spilling their beer.  Lesson #2 from the Tom Petty concert…..undergarments are not optional when wearing a short sundress and dancing around in a drunken manner.  Meredith and I, because this is an amphitheatre, wonder aloud how long it will be before we smell pot wafting though the air.  Two songs later…..ohhhhh.  Tom Petty takes the stage soon, and about 15 minutes into the show, we realize that we are the only ones in our area who didn’t bring a little herb for the show.  No lie, it was 360 degrees around us.  The only one not smoking…..our Tim Burton-loving, tatt man.  Lesson #3 from the Tom Petty concert, not all heavily tattoed men partake.  Four minutes later, we’re enjoying the music, but the group behind us is enjoying it more.  So much so, that one woman stumbles into me and drops into a pile onto our blanket in front of me.  After unsuccessfully trying to get her to stand, her boyfriend asks if it’s ok for her to rest for a few minutes on our blanket until she’s ok to stand.  We state that it’s ok, but that, as Mere said “in the interest of full disclosure,” we should let him know that she’s sitting on honey mustard containers.  His reply “are they open?”  “Uh….yes…she has honey mustard on her ass.”  He laughs…..we promptly nickname her Condiment Girl.  As Condiment Girl swayed and jerked herself awake, her friends dance around her.  We are offered a few joints which were so tiny that they couldn’t be held between your finger to pass to someone else.  They had to sit in the palm of your hand.  We decline.  Being in the Pot Pit, we really didn’t need to partake.  A few songs later, we look over and see a girl bent over completely.  Worried that she’s getting sick, we check on her to find out she’s making a call on her cell phone.  I’m not sure how this helps the call making process, but she repeats this throughout the night, causing numerous people to inquire about her health.  LOL!  Eventually, a girl next to Meredith begins to dance in this funky, arm waving, Woodstock inspired way.  Meredith names her Interpretive Dance girl. Occasionally IDG would dance with her date, who looked like he was more of a My Chemical Romance fan than a Tom Petty fan.  Ironic moment of the night, being able to smell clean air during the song “You Don’t Know How It Feels.”  (hint….chorus = “let’s get to the point, let’s roll another joint”)  As the show progressed, Condiment Girl was miraculously still sitting up.  This was mostly due to a firend who sat with her through one song and helped her prop her knee and elbow to hold her swaying head.  Eventually she fell forward and was lying face down between her legs, folded in half.  Her friends, boyfriend included, began jumping around more and more to the music, narrowly missing her head on many occasions.  Lesson #4 from the Tom Petty concert…..pick your concert friends wisely.  A true friend will take care of you, even if you were stupid enough to get yourself shitfaced.  During the first song of the encore, Condiment Girl sat up, then fell over on her side, landing face first on Meredith’s shoes.  None of her friends notice this.  As the last song of the night begins, I feel beer rain on me.  To my left, a guy has just punched his beer can, is yelling at someone next to him and hitting himself in the head.  I don’t see this as having a good outcome.  I turn to Meredith and say we have a fight coming.  As we begin to straddle Condiment Girl, her friends are too busy dancing to know what is going on, the crowd parts and arms are swinging.  Eventually her friends encircle her with us, as the boyfriend works as the bouncer, bouncing the fighters away from us.  Every time he pushes the group away, he feels the need to tell me how annoyed he is that this is happening during his favorite song.  Her friend keeps saying “This is a TOM PETTY concert….I mean……TOM PETTY”  I’m sorry…..is Petty immune to having stupid fans???  After Fight Boy has been dragged off in a headlock by his friends, and security belatedly shows up, the show ends with the boyfriend repeatedly saying “You know what it is?  It’s ‘roids man…..that dude’s a ‘roider!!”  At this point, a friend of Condiment Girl tries to wake her and asks if anyone has checked her pulse.  No worries…..she eventually gets up, but 40 minutes after she has fallen face first into Meredith’s shoes, someone asks if she’s got a pulse?  Nice.  As we stroll off amid the many thank yous, we discuss our lessons from the evening.  Before we leave the grass, we hear our quote of the night.  A woman loudly tells her date “I smell like a dog’s balls!”



1. Amy - August 3, 2008

Good stuff

2. crashMD - August 14, 2008

Visuals are bordering on TMI; but I’ll deal. ;D

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