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A Justification for Homicide August 20, 2008

Posted by Alichat in Life.
Tags: , , , ,

A friend of mine from a chat board I frequent, I’ll call her Gigi, relayed a distressing story to me last week, which has left me a bit disturbed.  Gigi has a friend (I’ll call her CM for Cancer Mom) who has been battling cancer for the last three years.  In June, CM’s doctors informed her that it was terminal, and that she has 2 to 12 months left.  CM has two children under the age of 7, so she’s not only devastated that her life is ending, but also, as anyone would be, she’s heartbroken she won’t be alive to see her children grow.  Now, you’d think this was the distressing news, right?  Tsk, tsk, tsk….as if the story were that simple.  Let me drop this gem in your lap.  Gigi got a call from CM a few weeks ago asking for legal help.  Why, you ask?  CM’s husband, I’ll call him BD (Bastard Dad), informed her that he wants a divorce!  A DIVORCE?!?!  What kind of heartless bastard tells his dying wife, the mother of his children, that he wants out of their marriage??  On the levels of selfishness, I’d say this ranks pretty high.  I mean, obviously this is cold as hell, but think about how self-involved he must be to not consider how scarring this will be to his two children.  I have heard of spouses reacting badly when this amount of stress is placed on them.  Let’s be honest, if he actually loves his wife, it has to be overwhelming to learn that the disease you’ve been fighting for three years will win, that you will be left raising your children without their mother, that the next two months to a year could be hellishly stressful.   But, doesn’t her pain and your children’s pain outweigh all that?  Isn’t she angry, worried, and stressed about the same things?  And how healthy is this for CM?  By adding all this drama (and yes, BD has been threatening Gigi and other friends for helping CM), couldn’t this speed up the growth of her cancer?  Could this be his goal? 

But let’s remove the emotion from this equation for just one second, and look at the practicality of BD’s decision.  CM is dying.  In June she was given 2 – 12 months to live.  In their home state, a couple must be living apart for at least one year before a divorce can be granted, fault or no-fault.  So, in the 10 or 12 months of life CM has left, BD is going to waste loads of his (and her) money, energy, and time on a) lawyers, who will most likely not be cheap,  b) paperwork that will cost loads to file and take months to go through the system, c) arguements that will be unnecessary, painful, physically draining, and most likely unresolvable, d) an apartment needed for the separate living clause required for a divorce,  e) loss of friends who, if they have a brain, will think you an idiot for doing this, and f) possible loss of your children’s love and respect because you abandoned mommie when she was sick.  Let’s be honest, CM may pass before they even get into a courthouse.  Why not just wait?  In a year or less, BD will be a single man again.  BD will waste all this time and money so that at her funeral, he can be referred to as the ex-husband?  (Although, if he’s not there, I’d imagine CM’s friends and family will have more colorful titles for BD than ex-husband) 

Where’s the compassion?  Where’s the understanding?  Where’s the logic?  People wonder why the divorce rate is 50%, why children……children!…..are bringing guns to school and shooting up their classmates, why drugs are so prevalent in our world.  Easy escapes.  Better to just run away, remove the aggressor, dull the pain, than to deal with it.  Even now, I’m thinking why has no one run this man down?  i’m handy with a knife.  Perhaps a little filleting of Mr. Winky will wake BD from his self-absorbed fog.  Maybe Uncle Guido could help.   Doesn’t everyone have an Uncle Guido that could assist him in sleeping with the fishes??  But anger and vengance, being so prevalent in our society now, are our first reactions.  We forget to ask why?  Why is he doing this astoundingly selfish thing?  (And let’s not even get into the theological discussion on why God would allow her to die and leave him behind to be the emotional example and guide for the children)  But, don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating murder.  Frankly, I feel no one is worth going to jail over.  But there are times in life where you think….”I’d find her not guilty.”  It was justifiable.  Had he pulled his head out of his ass, he’d have seen that car coming and moved out of the way.  I guess it would be best said by paraphasing Chris Rock……”I’m not saying she should kill him, but I understand!”



1. deliveryqueen - August 31, 2008

This so called man is a very insensitive one. He appears to be thinking of one thing and using his smaller brain in the process. I can only imagine what cancer mom and her children are going through. When someone has an illness it is time to pull together and not to pull apart. A better man would have chosen to stay with his wife and make some great memories together as a family. He needs to understand that the children are loosing their mother. He needs to help his children and his wife. He needs to just plain grow up!!!

2. sandrar - September 10, 2009

Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

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