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Sunday With The ‘Rents October 27, 2008

Posted by Alichat in Humor, Life.
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I had a surreal moment today with the ‘rents.  Well, since they are divorced, I should say I had two surreal moments.  My father came in today for an early birthday celebration.  I had no idea what he’d want to do as he can never decide what he wants to do.  I did wonder if he’d subject me to judging the cows at the state fair again, but luck was on my side today.  As I was straightening up the house for his arrival, I get a call from my mother.  She was chatty and oddly giddy.  She begins the conversation with “So I took my first ambulance ride yesterday”  “What?!”  Turns out my mother was the victim of a driveby clotheslining at the knee by her chocolate lab, JT.  Apparently, JT and mom’s three other dogs were playing chase in the house, and JT fishtailed into mom, who couldn’t get her hands out in time to cushion the fall and thus landed on her left hip.  An ambulance ride, four hours in the waiting area, and numerous x-rays later, Mom is diagnosed with a fractured pelvis.  So, she is confined to her bed for at least a week….she says with a little too much verve.  She continues to ramble on and on as if she’s taken a few too many hits off the bong today.  “You don’t have to come over….unless you want to….but you don’t have to….because, you know, we talk on the phone all the time…….but if you want to….but you don’t need to…..because we talk on the phone all the time…..” and on and on and on.  I half expect to hear a Doritos bag rustling in the background.  I made a couple of attempts to wrap up the conversation, not because I was worried about time, but because the redundancy was becoming a bit tiring.  As for time, my father is always late.  For as long as I can remember, my father is typically an hour to an hour and a half late.  “I’ll be there at noon” is always converted to we’ll see him at 1:30.  Lo and behold, Dad is only 15 minutes late today.  Not sure what or who lit the fire under his ass, but they need to back off since it screwed with my timeline!  After 20 minutes of “where do you want to eat”  “well what do you want” “it’s your birthday…you pick“, Dad decides on California Pizza Kitchen.  It was a nice lunch, out on the patio area, with one moment for pause when I try to determine why he keeps asking “so what are we going to eat?”  I certainly hope he didn’t think we were going to split something, because I was starving!  Later, I take Dad roaming around the mall in my usual attempt to discretely determine if there is something he may want for Christmas, but isn’t going to tell me.  But I quickly find out that taking Dad to the mall is like taking your Granddad with Alzheimer’s or a recently thawed prehistoric man to the mall.  Everything is looked at with wide eyed wonderment.  While walking, I’d glance to the side to find he was no longer walking next to me, but had darted into some store and was wandering aimlessly among the wire wisks or turtle shaped candle holders.  (Yep, Williams & Sonoma and z Gallerie were his favorites.)  He’d giggle at calling the z Gallerie saleswoman ‘Z’ “because that’s what is on her tag!” and wonder out loud for 20 minutes why the Mukka Latte at W&S isn’t as heavy as the coffee maker my brother has.  “What kind of metal do you think this is?”  It was a surprisingly exhausting day.  Our one moment of zen came when we both found the book “How to Procrastinate” and wondered if you really need a book to do that properly.  Eh, we’ll just buy it later. 

On a side note, I bought my Halloween candy today.  I really should consider purchasing candy I can’t stand, as I’ve already had about 10 Tootsie Rolls. 

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Comments»

1. Scarlet - October 27, 2008

We should lock our mothers in a room together and see which ones head explodes first…I say that with love of course…


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